Numb

Irene woke me up and said she couldn’t feel her head.
It was numb, she said.
I asked if this was everywhere on her head
and she said no, it was only here,
gestured to the area between her eyes with
the thumb and index finger.

She said it feels like Novocaine. The heavy
minutes before Novacaine sets in.

We sat up in our bed for a few minutes. The
dark of our bed. Faintly
I could see dresses moving in the closet
pushed by the ceiling fan. I lay on my belly,
trying not to sleep. This was also when
I found out it was raining.

The cat must have known
because she was there on the bed in less
than a minute. I pushed her off, apologizing.
How are you? I said.
She said the feeling had traveled to her legs.
I’m scared. She said.
I asked if we should go to the emergency room.
She said no, let’s just wait here a while.
Then Irene didn’t talk. I touched her
bare back and hair. I touched her foot. Can
you feel that? I said.
She said I’m not sure.

The cat jumped back on the bed. Vines
touched the glass. Was it still raining? I could not tell. I
remembered what
you said about a premonition.
Something like, you’d die tragically, which meant
you’d die young. You just knew it.

Do you think I have MS? She asked and I
didn’t know what to say to that so I just said
I doubted it, the onset seemed too early.
What would I do
if I had to live in a wheelchair
was the question Irene asked me when we heard it:

The sound of an airplane, low, loud. Lasted
what seemed
like a matter of many minutes. We looked
up. The cat looked up. We all watched
the blank ceiling, the moving shadows of trees. Blades
of light.
Dresses still swaying slightly over there. All
the night happenings. Must
have changed the patterns, Irene said, due
to the weather and I agreed. They don’t
fly this close. Ever. Waited as the plane droned
gone. What would I do
if she died tragically, and young, I wondered.

Part of me thinks I’d be alone
for the rest of my life, as alone
as I could be.
Just rendering the useful seconds off of life
best I could, off of each day without her. Thinking
how Irene danced to most
every music, and danced well. A capable,
very capable woman.